The
Secret to
An
Affectionate Relationship
“My man
just isn’t very affectionate. I want
him to be touchy, feely. Why doesn’t he hold my hand like I
see
other couples doing?” Is that a familiar conversation in your
head or to your sister or best girl friend, explaining to them how your
relationship is not sizzling?
I guess we women
expect the men in our lives to treat us
like little Cinderella’s, waiting for the Prince to fit the
golden slipper so we could ride away into the sunset forever. I have
been the recipient of romantic moments but once I had so much it no
longer tickled my fancy. What I prefer is affectionate moments. The
term romance conjures up a world of fantasy but not reality. A
relationship with another person goes through transition and it will
not be all romance as it started out. . . it will change.
I recall working
with an older lady in her late
60’s who was working part time as an accountant, just to keep
busy, and she told me how she handled a husband who was not so romantic
and it has stuck with me. At the time I wasn’t married but I
was
dating. She said whatever she wanted she would buy it, or arrange it
and tell her husband, “Honey, thank you for the beautiful
flowers, or earrings. By the way, I think Francesca’s is a
beautiful way to celebrate our anniversary. Thank you.”
The point is: she
didn’t dwell on what he
wasn’t doing. He had qualities that superseded what she
called
small stuff. He was never very romantic. He never remembered special
occasions. It wasn’t that he didn’t love her. He
was who he
was and she was willing to allow him to be that rather than whipping
him with complaints about what he didn’t do.
As women we spend
so much time complaining and comparing
but the bottom line, you are not willing to make the effort to give.
It’s too much trouble for you but you want your man to do it.
That was me. I wanted to be romanced only to discover it
wasn’t
really what I wanted. I pointed fingers because I couldn’t
give,
or be what I wanted my man to be. If you want affection, give it and
stop complaining. Become what you want to receive from your man.
Don’t get
me wrong, you should enjoy the
“best foot forward” efforts in courtship because it
makes
you feel special; it separates you out from the rest. It catches that
special someone’s eye but when that is over, then what? Why
is
affection important? A show of affection signals love. Affection means
thoughtfulness. Wouldn’t you rather have someone who thinks
of
you and it is a part of how they feel all the time, rather than
romantic gestures that fade away after the honeymoon.
I am amazed at the
man I have today. He has changed, and
now I am able to receive because he is doing what he wants to do for
his wife. His unexpected thoughtfulness causes me to heap love and
appreciation upon him. . . and it’s real.
These acts can mean
the difference between short term
and lasting relationships. My husband was not the romantic type
(flowers, cards, remembering special occasions, gifts and words), but
there are so many other qualities he has that I have come to adore. He
never tried to impress me with flowers, cards, sweet talk, dinners, or
weekend get-a-ways. By the time we became interested in each other that
type of stuff didn’t interest me anymore.
Perfection
does not exist in male or female anymore.
Sometimes we pick partners based upon our ideas of perfect for us, but
do we really know what’s good for us? From where do we draw
our
sense of what is good for us? Is it from our parents, or some other
source?
What
do we believe about who we are?
Is Romance all it’s advertised to be? Tell
us
how long your romantic interests lasted?
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