Jealous feelings can get out of control. It comes in like a thief in the night, bringing feelings of anger, frustration, helplessness, like a whirlwind ripping away your peace. Do you say something, or do you keep quiet? Should you make a scene, or clam up so everyone will know you are in fear of losing the object of your affections?

Your attitude has changed and everyone is asking you what is wrong and your response, “Nothing.” Liar! Liar! You are hot. Your mind rehearses over and over the moves that brought you to this point, seeking justification for why you feel the way you do but you can’t think straight.

Congratulations! Jealousy has just paid you a visit. Caught you off guard, leaving you with mixed feelings. You know he or she cares about you. It would take more than your perception of what this other person is doing to break up your relationship, but your mind is in a battle with these jealous feelings.

Admit that you are jealous. That is the first step. Instead of clamming up with the object of your affections, the one you have pledged yourself to and who has committed to you, discuss your feelings. What did you see that made you feel that person was threatening your territory. Yes, you are going to feel silly for even spending the time to talk about it because the object of your affections didn’t put the move on this person, but the other way around.

Now, is that your lover or spouse’s fault? No, it is not. You can get control of jealousy. Try this before you have that conversation with the one you care about. Take a journal and write down those feelings. In your writing you will find out what set you off. What made you vulnerable to jealous feelings? You may discover that the fault is either in you, or an area in your relationship that needs attention.

Jealousy is a fear of losing, that you are not good enough, that someone else can do something better, that you are slack in an area of your relationship that some other person might fulfill. Acknowledge what it is and work on improving yourself in that area.

Identify your triggers, and refuse to give them power over you. Think your feelings through, face them and put them in their place. You are no longer that person.